You Don't Own Me: a Lesson on "Fit"

Don’t be too hard on yourself when you get hit with a “you don’t really fit” response.

Fit is subjective. It can be a judgment call based on a minimal amount of information or a predefined set of opinions. You have the right and power to own your fit.

Citing "fit" is often an easy excuse not to hire or include you. There may simply be too many candidates for one position, or decision-makers holding preconceived ideas about people they don’t truly know. This isn’t to say those reasons are right, but it is often how the world works.

In the pursuit of controlling our own fate, perhaps it’s time to take a look in the mirror and ask: Am I too focused on chasing the "right" fit?

How and where we fit naturally changes as we move through life and learn more. Rather than chasing perfection with the "right" fit, consider if you simply need to find the fit that works right now.

We tend to get on a path and follow where it leads, hoping that through hard work and application, success will follow. But are we following our dreams? Could we aspire to higher things and reach our full potential by chasing a different fit?

Check in and see if you are doing what you do because it is expected, or because you truly desire it. You can still be a fantastic Business Analyst, but instead of focusing on data analysis, you might be an amazing bridge between business and IT. Neither path is better than the other, but choosing the one that aligns with who you are will help you excel. Find the best fit for you.

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in?
‍— Lesley Gore, "Out Here On My Own"

The idea of finding your own fit isn't new. In the mid-20th century, teenager Lesley Gore decided she was going to find her own fit rather than step into someone else's expectations.

Today, that choice isn't so unusual, but in the 1960s, it broke entirely with tradition. Gore chose a path that opened doors for future generations. As a young white woman, society expected her to get married, have children, and keep house. But that wasn't her path—and it wasn't her fit.

Gore was destined to find her fit in music. While still in high school, she was already topping the charts with iconic 1960s anthems like "It's My Party" and "Judy's Turn to Cry." Yet it was "You Don't Own Me" that Gore considered her signature song — an anthem that countless people have since adopted to declare their own autonomy and direction.

For some, fit is an evolving overcoat that we grow into over time. For Gore, that meant transitioning from singer to songwriter. Writing alongside her brother, she penned "Out Here On My Own," which became a major hit from the 1980 musical film Fame.

Throughout her career, there was a consistent theme centered around music, theater, and performance. But Gore didn't just choose her initial fit—she knew what she wanted and understood when to pivot within her skill set to find continued success.

“You don’t own me
Don’t try to change me in any way
You don’t own me
Don’t tie me down cause I’d never stay.
So just let me be myself.”
‍— Lesley Gore, "You Don’t Own Me"

Don’t Try to Change Me in Any Way

Fit is often just a perception held by others. We are judged in interviews, in the workplace, and in social settings. When others deem that you don’t fit, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and re-evaluate your next steps. Take ownership of where you fit — because there is a fit for you.

Taylor Swift is a modern-day example of refusing to be defined by others' expectations — a contemporary Lesley Gore. Swift lost ownership of her first six studio albums when Big Machine Records was acquired by Scooter Braun.

Determined to regain control, Swift set about re-recording her entire early catalog — a bold move that systematically reduced the value of her original master recordings. It was a textbook example of "You don't own me."

It was a fitting celebration of ownership in 2023 when Swift opened her record-breaking Eras Tour using Dusty Springfield’s rendition of "You Don't Own Me." Picture the stadium waiting for her arrival: a massive clock on stage counting down the final minutes, while "You Don't Own Me" blares over the speakers.

A declaration of success?
Absolutely.

A statement of Swift defining fit on her own terms?
Without a doubt.

Swift was no stranger to the concept of fit. In her induction speech for Carole King at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, she shared a lesson passed down from her parents: you must believe you can achieve whatever you set your mind to. Looking at everything Swift has accomplished, it’s hard to argue that she hasn't found her fit.

We're always provin' who we are
Always reachin'
For that risin' star
‍— Lesley Gore, "Out Here On My Own"

Do You Have to Fit?

The way we are raised and the conventions of society often push us to conform, constantly reinforcing the idea that fitting in is essential. But is it?

When it comes to basic courtesy or representing an organization, yes — we should strive to respect one another and align with shared cultural values. But when it comes to your personal path and the direction you want your life to take, the answer is no. Innovative thinkers and creators cannot afford to stop and wonder, "Will I fit?"

You don’t always need to fit. There will be times when you simply need to walk away and chase your dream. Stand up and be counted for your unique talents and beliefs. Don’t limit yourself to fitting only where others expect to see you — if you don’t take a seat at the right table, you won't be heard.

So, where do you sit?

Safely on the fence, or actively chasing your dreams? Are you letting the opinions of others hold you back from success? If you can rise above those opinions, you gain the power to choose your own fit.

Hopefully, we all get the chance to choose our own path. There will always be people who say you don’t fit — often for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Assessments made by people who barely know you should never drive your future.

We need to rise above the judgment of others, but even more importantly, we need to look beyond our own self-judgment. Deciding for ourselves that we "don't fit" can be the most damaging constraint of all, hampering our potential and keeping us from fulfilling our dreams.

Celebrate what you are good at, and pursue your goals with confidence. Your direction sits in your hands. Find your voice, take your seat, and keep fit where it belongs: entirely in your control.

We're always provin' who we are
Always reachin'
For that risin' star
‍— Lesley Gore, "Out Here On My Own"

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Pam is a Redvespa Senior Consultant and keen audiophile who has spent many hours perfecting her home audio setup to ensure her perfectly-organised record collection can be played effortlessly.